7 Quick Takes | The "Fear-Busting Edition"
Fear #1: I've lost my blogging mojo.
Between the email from the editors at BlogHer last week telling me that my ad code was getting turned off until I started writing again and the curious and humorous pestering (all from a place of kindness and love, I know) of my dear friend Lynn at our book club meeting last week, I was reminded that yes, I have totally TANKED on blogging here as of late.
I told Lynn that I've been in a discerning kind of place and it's true; I have.
Last weekend, it was beautiful here - about 65 degrees - and I took our insane canine Brownie for at least three walks in two days. Three looooong walks. Walking clears my mind while giving my over-caffeinated and already naturally twitchy body (gotta love that high metabolism!) some activity to occupy itself. I walked and thought and prayed and thought some more, mostly about my vocations in this life and how I'm doing living them. If I'm fully living them.
I also told Lynn a couple of weeks ago (she's such a dear to put up with my b.s.) that I hadn't written much because I was rather ticked off about a few things (I may have mentioned the phrase "wanting to flip the world the big ol' double eagle"). I don't want to rant and whine here - how does that help you? Or me, for that matter?
So here I am, a month or so of not writing here, asking myself if I have, in fact, lost my blogging mojo.
I hope I haven't.
What I need to do is a little fear-busting, a little cobweb clearing from the corners of my sunshine-deprived mind. Follow along down the rabbit trail, friends....
Fear #2: Worlds are colliding, Jerry!!
I used to blog quietly here, using my first name only and giving my kids crazy nicknames (although Sir Screamsalot was a spot-on pseudonym for my youngest).
Then I started to meet other bloggers in my corner of SW Ohio. I went to BlogHer '09 in Chicago. I started, stopped, and restarted another blog. I've been an early adopter of lots of social media apps and tools (yo, I was on Twitter in Spring '08). I've even earned some money doing what I do here - getting social online.
Then I discovered real fellow blogging moms right in the parking lot of my kiddos school. Epiphany!
Though I've been me online (hi, I'm Marianne Thomas!) for a long time now (even if I do still have pseudonyms for my kiddos and hubs) and I've always added my blog addresses to my email signature line, it still throws me for a loop when someone way outside of my usual social media circle stops me to tell me how much they liked my blog.
I'm seeing that like George Castanza once said to Jerry Seinfeld, I can't stop my worlds from colliding.
This of course opens up a whole other can of worry worms.
Can we all say blog fodder?!
Fear #3: How about that writing thing?
Yes, there's that.
While I'm not finding any extra time to devote to becoming the next great novelist of the new millennium, I am still blessed with an abundance of new story ideas. There are scraps of scribbled notes filled with plot ideas, characters, and "what if" situations crammed into every nook and cranny of my kitchen, purse, and next to my bed.
It's almost funny how my creativity continues to flourish despite my lack of time.
Fear #4: Questioning educational choices.
I just ordered four more book about homeschooling from Amazon, three being books about Catholic homeschooling.
Read whatever you want into that one.
I don't think I'm ready to really chat about it yet but to my homeschooling compadres (yo Monica), please feel free to leave comments or email me.
Fear #5: I'm not a good enough Catholic.
This one is a corollary to #4. Again, three of those books I ordered were about Catholic homeschooling.
Also, this is one I've struggled with for a long time. I do have only three kids and I also have been known to curse, be envious, tell white lies, gossip and generally be as imperfect as all of us humans are.
I'm trying to remind myself that if all of us were saints, Jesus wouldn't have needed to show up in the first place.
Fear #6: I will be trapped in my ersatz suburban neighborhood for.ev.er.
I grew up in Anne Arundel County, Maryland, Land of the Suburb, and dreamed of one day living out in the country away from people. Not that I'm not neighborly by nature but there's a big difference between having neighbors and being crammed in a sardine can with strangers.
We chose to buy in a suburban-like neighborhood for lots of reasons when we moved, most of them financial and time-based. We had thought we'd do five years or so in this house then move out to the country; what we (like most of the country, I suppose) didn't think would happen was a housing market implosion.
For this coming Lent, I'm seriously considering giving up searching the real estate listings.
Fear #7: Time
It ticks away, doesn't it? I'm feeling the passage of time more acutely now that I'm heading through the end of my thirties.
I'm scared of wasting my life, of not choosing the hard things now because of fear only to find out in twenty years or so that regret has taken up permanent residence in my psyche.
So there you have it - what's been keeping me quiet lately.
Thanks for listening. ;-)
Be sure to hop through the links for 7 Quick Takes over at Conversion Diary.