So and So

Is there nothing more fantastic than the Advent Season?

We wait for our Lord, the Dude that makes all things good again, the One who forever has our eternal backs, and know that He is nigh.

And that it all started with wee little baby makes it even sweeter.

But while my wish to keep Christmas simple, to try to make Christmas more and more about giving than receiving grows each year, so do the ad revenues {my assumption, based on Nick Jr.'s commercial barrage} of the toy companies and big box stores.

Now, adding to the commercials and the glossy Sunday paper ads that seduce my Princess Pinky with endless pictures of pretty things all wrapped up in a bow, I have to battle against those shadowy forces known as the So and So's.

"So and So has three American Girl Dolls."

"So and So has a trampoline."

"So and So has a bunk bed."

The So and So's, no matter who they might be, are forever in possession of something superior to what Princess Pinky owns or hopes to have.

I cannot compete with them.

Instead, I take a deep breath and say:

"Wow! So and So must really like her dolls!"

"Really? So and So must be a good bouncer!"

"Awesome! So and So must like sleeping on the top bunk!"

I keep my answers light and happy and neutral to my wee girl, but deep inside my soul cracks a bit more.

What I want to say is this:

You have me.

You've always had me.

No home daycare where I had to worry that you'd come in second all the time to that mom's own kids.

No group daycare where I had to worry that you'd be lost in the crowd.

No missed first steps.

Or first words.

Or first scribbled drawings.

You have me and one day I hope you'll see that despite all of my flaws and imperfections and spelling-bee style moments of profanity, giving you me was the biggest gift I had to give.

And I'm still giving - happily some days, grudgingly others - you and Tater and Screamsy the best of me every day.

Because I love you all so much.

And because love doesn't come all wrapped up in a bow.