Get Over It, Mommy - November 18, 2007

Mommyfolk, let me start by giving you all a huge round of applause. You are all my heroines and inspirations.

Mommy is the hardest job in the world, all over the world. And no matter what the circumstances of your life - whether you’re married or single, working outside the home or at-home, young or older, birth mommy or adopted mommy - no matter what roles your life holds, being Mommy is the hardest part.

And the most important part. Mommy is the most important job title in the world. We all start as helpless babes; its the Mommies who protect, nurture, and sustain those babes as they grow until they’re ready to take on the world.

But we mommyfolk often forget this; we forget that without us, there is no future. We forget because we are caught up in worrying about the few things we may have done wrong as mommies rather than seeing the multitude, the vast infinity of ordinary things we do right. We fall prey to our own self-idealized version of Perfect Mommy. We all carry such an image of the Perfect Mommy we could be, If Only. The If Only list is endless and deeply personal, but it goes something like this:

If only I were older.

If only I were younger.

If only I didn’t have to work.

If only I could still work a little.

If only I had more money.

If only I had more time.

If onlyI had more/fewer children.

If only I had more help.

If only I didn’t get angry.

If only I could be more patient…

STOP! Stop there, mommyfolk. The If Onlys are endless, and all they will do is drag you down down down to a dark place where the light of reason can never shine.

Mommyfolk, it’s time to Get Over It!

Get over the idea that you can control the clock and somehow wring more time out of each day. Not happening, at least, not here for me - please contact me if you come up with a time machine. There are only so many hours in the day and if you spend them racing from one thing to the next, you’ll never stop to enjoy the moment and make memories. Learn how to say no to the Cult of Busyness.

Remember play? Like, go outside and play? Play a game of checkers? Play with toys? Play! Just stop one BusyThing where you’re racing your child to a “structured activity” because the pseudo-experts have you convinced it’s not just necessary to your child’s development, it’s vital! Life-threatening! The tipping point between productive adult and prison inmate! Stop doing one BusyThing and just hang out with your sweetiepie, preferably in jammies or ripped jeans and playclothes. Fun happens - and good memories are made - but only if you’re both there together.

Get over the fact that you’re human. This means you’ll get sick with the stomach flu and spend your day alternating between the bathroom and the family room, checking on your child(ren), switching the DVD for their third movie, and refilling the bottomless bowls of Goldfish crackers before another round of sickies sends you racing back to the porcelain throne. This also means you’ll say things you didn’t really mean to say when you find your child(ren) 1) writing on the wall with Sharpies; 2) playing Haircut with real scissors; and 3) engaged in a toddler version of Ultimate Street Fighting with their sibling(s). You’re human, and allowed to have a few flaws, along with moments where you’re angry, impatient, or just plain sick of hearing the baby cry after approximately 504 hours (3 weeks) of non-stop wailing. It’s ok; we’ve all walked that road.

Get over the What Will People Think Of Me’s? Face it, mommyfolk - there are eyes everywhere, eyes of other adults who are watching you parent in public and judging your actions as a mother. Many are folks who’ve never ventured down this crazy parenting road, which makes their judging you beyond hypocritical - it’s downright ridiculous. If you’ve ever found yourself at the business end of a toddler having a screaming, kicking, biting meltdown as you try to leave McDonald’s Playland and felt the sudden shift of the room from chaos to silence, then realized the whole room is now watching you to see just what you’re going to do with that mess of a kid, you know exactly what I mean.

Look, this ain’t no job for sissies. Stern Mommying means standing firm and doing what you need to do to be the best mommy you can be in those awful situations no matter who’s watching or what misguided and unsolicited advice they might open their big mouths to offer. You are that baby’s mommy, not them. Don’t ever forget it. And don’t worry that someone will think you are a -gasp!- bad mommy; I’m here to tell you you aren’t. You’re a great mommy.

Get over the Mommy Wars. And not just the never ending one between mommies who work and mommies who choose to stay at home. I’m talking about the subtle, but very real wars, the endless competitions over Who’s the Skinny Mom, Who’s the Mom Who Volunteers the Most, Who’s the Busiest Mom, Who’s the Mom with the Perfect House, and my favorite, Who’s the Mom with the Smartest Kid?

Mommyfolk! Please! Who wins in these endless competitions? No one! We all lose because we all walk away believing that once again, we’re doing something wrong.

Can’t we just stop the bickering and posturing and instead reach out, help a fellow mommy when the overwhelming wave of Mommyness threatens to pull her under and drown her?

We all have the same goal, to raise those sweet babies up into adults who will shine their lights on the world. Mommyfolk, let’s all get over it, over all the b.s. that just doesn’t matter at the end of the day. What does matter at the end of every day are those chubby arms around your neck, hugging you tightly because you, and you alone, are Mommy.

And being Mommy is the best job.

Ever.

WM